Imagine, if you will, a troll that disguises itself in a cloak of strong emotions. I call this troll, ConTROLL. Each of us have dealt with it; but we need NOT let IT get the best of us.
Remember, the person, who ignites anger in you, controls you! In fact, anyone that you allow to evoke any strong emotional response from you, controls you! Of course, we intellectually know this, but emotionally we are in a stir. And, we want to know how to disengage the negative emotions. How can we address or prevent others from upsetting our balance and evoking the negative energy in us? Great question.
First, we can consider the source. Seriously let’s look at the person who is basically talking at us because he or she are not respecting us enough to engage in a conversation. They are either looking for a reaction, or, they are passing the buck. They are venting on us; all the pent-up negative energy they had absorbed from their experiences throughout the day or longer. Who are we allowing to anger us or trigger an emotional reaction or response from us? Who is this person, really? Is that person a political figure, a celebrity, a supervisor, a peer, a co-worker, a family member or a friend? When possible, write down absolutely everything that this person has done to upset you on a scrap piece of paper. And then release that energy by setting that scrap paper aside for at least an hour.
Second, consider the relationship you have with this person. This is the transformational part of handling the negative emotions to create the shift of control back into your hands. How much time and/or feelings have you invested with the person who is upsetting your balance? What is your vested interest in the relationship? What is it worth to you to maintain this relationship? After you have had some to reflect on these questions, go back and revisit that paper you set aside earlier. See what you can do to transform each statement into something positive about this person. Consider how this person has affected your life in a positive way. What qualities does this person have that you appreciate? If you look hard enough you can find at least one thing, even if he or she is simply a catalyst on your transformation to becoming more resilient.
Think about this statement: It takes less effort to pull someone down than to pull someone up. So, how can we strengthen our resolve? How about bringing others up to our energy level instead of allowing them to pull us down to their energy level. In the very moment when you are engaged in a situation, where you could potentially be brought into the negative energy, can you step outside yourself and the situation such that you can gain a new perspective? Can you see the bigger picture? Is it possible to rephrase your antagonist’s words into something positive? Believe it or not, you do have a choice to either give into negative emotions or positive ones.
There are many questions you can always ask yourself such as: What is the lesson in all of this? What is the positive side in this situation? Where is the opportunity in this situation? How can I bless it and move back to a place of equilibrium? What can I laugh about this current situation in my life? And, who gets to control my emotions: me or others? You picked the former, right? Of course you did, because you know that you get to choose how you want to feel. Don’t let others take away your joy. Instead, be the joy for others. Be in control (of the Con-TROLL).
All rights reserved. ©2017 by A. K. Orobko